Chapter Nine: Give Me a Chance

I quickly glanced around me; fortunately, there weren't many people about. I quietly slipped up to the rooftop of my building and answered, "It's you. What's the matter?" On the phone, Qiu Jieqin said only three words: "But why?"

I hesitated, then explained cautiously, "I... I just think what we've done is not really appropriate."

"Not appropriate? What's not appropriate about it?"

"Look, we're neither married nor lovers. Doing things that cross the line of friendship... isn't that a bit much?"

"Then why did you kiss me? Take off my clothes? You... you even touched me. Are those things between friends appropriate?"

I felt a wave of embarrassment and rushed to explain, "Well... I was drunk, okay? Alcohol makes people act out of character..."

"Excuses! Don't pretend. Hmph, if alcohol makes you lose control, why didn't you just lose control all the way? Why did you stop halfway and run away? What do you take me for, really? Ugh..." With that, she started to cry.

Her tears left me flustered and at a complete loss. Luckily, I wasn't with her in person, or I truly wouldn't have known what to do. All I could do was beg her, "I'm sorry, please don't cry. I'll apologize however you want."

"I don't want that," she sobbed. "You know exactly what I want..."

I could only say, "Qiu Jieqin, calm down. You're an adult. Surely you know that desire and love aren't the same thing? Last night we just had one too many drinks—a moment's impulsiveness, that's all. There's no real feeling between us. Thankfully, nothing actually happened, or else it would have been irresponsible to both of us."

"Who says there's no feeling? At least, I love you!"

"But I..."

"Why? Am I so unworthy of your love? What's wrong with me? Why, after all these years of loving you, have I never truly moved you?" She began to cry again.

My head was pounding. I kept urging her not to cry. After a few sniffles, she asked, "You... you already like someone else, don't you? Don't lie to me."

"No, these past few years I've barely interacted with any women. Honestly, I haven't liked anyone."

"Then... do you hate me?"

"Of course not. Ever since that long talk the night we graduated, I couldn't possibly hate you. I just can't... can't... Sigh, you know why."

"I know you've always held something against me, never fully trusted me, so you can't bring yourself to like me. But why won't you even give me a chance? If you don't like anyone, and you're not seeing anyone, why not try going out with me? Maybe I could change your mind, make you fall in love with me. Just give me a chance—just once!"

I didn't know how to answer her. That night eight years ago, after graduation, Qiu Jieqin had poured out all her feelings and longing for me. I was deeply moved, but that's all it was—I didn't accept her. Now, eight years later, she was once again laying her heart bare, begging me for a chance.

I was deeply conflicted. I pitied her for loving me so faithfully for eight years, yet I also knew her personality fundamentally clashed with mine. If we really started something, who knew what trouble might follow? I was truly torn.

Qiu Jieqin added, "Is it really so hard to give me a chance? Tang Qian, you've never even tried, so how can you be sure we're not right for each other? You could try dating me, even if you don't care one way or another. If I can't move you, you can break up with me at any time. If I've tried my best and it still doesn't work out, I won't have any regrets and I won't bother you again. But if you don't give me a chance, I won't be able to let go—I might keep clinging to you, and then you'll hate me, and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life. Can you really bear that?"

I was stunned. She was right—if someone spends their life in regret over a single thing, what a sorrowful fate that would be. Could I really bear to do that to her?

But to actually accept her... inside, I still felt nothing but emptiness. I just couldn't feel any joy. That vague sense of hollowness warred with my pity for Qiu Jieqin, and I simply couldn't make up my mind.

On the phone, she pleaded on, "Tang Qian! Please give me a chance. I'll cherish it. I'll make you see you made the right decision..."

I interrupted her. "Qiu Jieqin, how about this, give me some time to think about it. I'll give you an answer soon, okay?"

"Well... okay. But don't take too long. I can't wait another eight years."

Her plaintive words made me laugh despite myself. "Don't worry. I won't keep you waiting long."

Suddenly, her tone changed, lightening up. "Then, until you answer me, let's just be regular friends, okay? There's Xu Shu's concert tomorrow night. I'll wait for you at the stadium entrance, and I'll take you to the best spot for experiencing Xu Shu's passion and energy."

"The concert? I'm not going. I gave all five tickets to my sister. Besides, I'm not interested in pop music."

Qiu Jieqin seemed surprised. "But it's Xu Shu! You don't like her?"

"Do I have to?"

"Every man I know is a die-hard Xu Shu fan—absolutely crazy about her, my dad included! You should see him—he's like a teenager again."

I've seen plenty of people obsessed with Xu Shu. There's one top-level fan in my own family. All kinds of fanatical behavior have long ceased to surprise me. Do I dislike Xu Shu? Not exactly. When a girl is beautiful to that degree, no man is immune—I, too, have marveled at how heaven could create such a flawless human being. But at most, I admire her; I've never idolized anyone. My temperament means I take a rational view of everything—I'd never do anything pointless or unrealistic.

Of course, I have other eccentricities, but let's not go into that. I checked my watch—the call had already lasted a long time, and my family was waiting for the breakfast I'd gone out to buy. I said, "Let's leave it at that for now. I'll call you in a few days when I've made up my mind."

"Okay, but you have to keep your word!"

"I promise! Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

I put away my phone and realized the breakfast I'd bought had gone cold. Now my mother and little sister would nag me again—sigh! What a headache!

At noon, my colleague Li Xiaoling called to check on me and update me on the latest office gossip. She also hinted, in a roundabout way, that she really cared about me and was willing to help.

As usual, I just laughed it off.

That evening, Cao Ziping, all the way in Shenzhen, called to say he'd heard I'd been laid off and asked what had happened. I told him the story in brief. Knowing me well, Manager Cao understood this was an unavoidable outcome for me. He sighed a few times and then invited me to join him in Shenzhen.

I was truly grateful. Manager Cao was the only leader at the company who valued and appreciated me. A year ago, when he was sent to Shenzhen, he had wanted to take me along to build something together. But at the time, my father needed gallstone surgery and someone to care for him, so I declined. Who would have guessed, a year later, at the lowest point of my career, he would reach out to help me out of my predicament? Such kindness from a superior moved me deeply. I was genuinely tempted to go work with him in Shenzhen. If it weren't for my father's chronic health problems and my little sister facing her crucial exams next year, I would have agreed on the spot. But if I left, all the burdens would fall on my mother, and I couldn't bear that.

I didn't agree, nor did I refuse. I just said I'd think it over and discuss it with my family. Cao Ziping didn't push me. After chatting a bit more, he hung up.

I sat in my room, smoking a cigarette, lost in thought.

The door to my sister's room next door wasn't shut properly, and she was playing a CD. A tender love song by Xu Shu slowly drifted into my ears:

When I decide to love,
My heart is empty inside.
I can't see what lies ahead, shrouded in mist.
When I decide to love,
My heart is filled with hesitation.
I don't know what sorrows the world of love might hold...

The song was plaintive and heartfelt, its lingering sadness affecting even someone like me, who'd never cared for music. For the first time, I truly understood that a person could sing with such depth—not only touching the listener, but also stirring their feelings.

As the song played, my mind wandered to many, many things...