Chapter Ninety-Nine: Temptation

I instinctively drew my hands back, too afraid to touch the soft places on her body. Taking advantage of my hesitation, Gu Ruoyan simply sat down on my lap, her warm, fragrant body pressing entirely into my arms.

I spread my hands helplessly and said, “Manager, don’t do this. It isn’t right.”

Gu Ruoyan buried her face against my neck and said unhappily, “Why? You just said you’d never leave me!”

I gave a wry smile. “Not leaving you and acting like this are two different things. If you keep this up, I might... make a mistake.”

“Then make the mistake!” she said. “I... I’m willing. No one will blame you for it!”

When she finished, she lowered her head in shyness, clinging to me even tighter, eyes closed, as though she were offering herself to my hands. I was caught in a difficult struggle. If I forcibly pushed her away, I would only wound her again and hurt her heart anew. Yet if I let things continue between us like this, I... I could not say with certainty that I would remain unmoved. My mind was clear. I could comfort and support her in spirit, but if things went on into the realm of the body, that would be far beyond anything I wanted. And once it reached that point, matters would only become more complicated; if I ever wanted to withdraw cleanly afterward, it would be as hard as reaching the heavens.

Some things, I felt, needed to be stopped before they went too far, lest Gu Ruoyan become hopelessly entangled, hurting both herself and me. After a moment’s thought, I decided I should tell her certain things plainly.

Just as I was about to speak, Gu Ruoyan in my arms suddenly let out a soft, desolate sigh and said quietly, “Actually, I know you don’t really want this. You already have someone you like in your heart. Being so kind to me is only because you want to repay a debt and pity me, isn’t that right?”

I froze. “Manager...”

At last Gu Ruoyan raised her head. Her eyes, full of sorrow, fixed on me as she went on, “I know it myself. I’m a divorced woman, and I’m older than you. I’m nowhere near good enough for you. It’s just that you, Tang Qian, are too good to me. You’re too gentle. I can’t control myself. Am I not ridiculous like this?”

All I could do was call again, “Manager...”

Gu Ruoyan placed a finger on my lips, signaling me not to speak. Then she buried her head once more in my neck and said softly, “Don’t worry. I won’t monopolize you. I’ve made up my mind never to marry again in this lifetime. I will never drag you down. If you want to date other girls, then go ahead. I won’t complain, as long as... as long as you can come see me from time to time, and comfort me a little. Then I’ll be satisfied.”

The woman in my arms spoke such pitiful, heartbreaking words that I could not help feeling a deep ache in my chest. This poor woman—how could I possibly turn my back on her? I thought to myself that I must find a way to stop her from relying on me just to live, and make her rediscover the joy of life. She had to fall in love again with a man worthy of her trust, and have happiness again.

My hands hesitated for a moment, then slowly wrapped around her unusually slender waist. I sighed. “Manager, why do you make yourself suffer like this? You could have had a much happier life. You know perfectly well that I can’t give you anything.”

Feeling that I had embraced her, Gu Ruoyan’s face lit up with a satisfied smile. She turned her head and softly kissed my neck, murmuring, “It doesn’t matter. I never meant to ask anything from you. I only need you not to abandon me. Just don’t ignore me, and that will be enough. If you don’t mind this broken, withered body of mine, then... then I’m willing to be your mistress. You can treat me however you like, just don’t leave me!”

I gave a bitter laugh. “Manager, what are you saying? A woman as wonderful as you—how could I ever deserve you? Make you my mistress? How could I possibly do such a thing? Would I still be human?”

Gu Ruoyan suddenly sat upright in my arms and stared at me. “If not a mistress, then marry me? Take care of me forever?”

I had no answer. I lowered my eyes and could not bear to look at her.

Gu Ruoyan let out another faint sigh. “You see? You don’t want to, do you? But I don’t mind. I only need a little of your time. I will never let anyone know. I’ll only be your hidden lover. As long as you still care about me, as long as my life can still have some hope, I’m willing to give you everything—for a lifetime.”

I could scarcely believe that this cold, stern former superior could speak such tender words. My heart was torn with sorrow, and also moved. Though I could not give her happiness, if I did not even give her this slender hope, then I would be far too cruel.

My heart softened. As for the future, I would find a way to deal with it later. At least for now, I could not hurt her anymore.

I knew I was likely making a terrible mistake, one that might one day bring consequences beyond measure, but the tenderness in my heart stirred, and I could no longer think of anything else. I reached out and pulled her tightly into my arms again, saying, “You’re such a fool. I won’t abandon you. I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life...”

At my words, Gu Ruoyan was overwhelmed with joy and grief at once. She wrapped her arms around my neck again and wept softly in my embrace. I stroked her hair and held her wordlessly, unable for a long time to tell whether I had done right or wrong.

I do not know how long we remained in silence before I came to myself and said, “Manager, it’s almost dawn. You’d better go back to sleep. And you’re dressed so lightly—don’t catch a chill. Hurry back to bed.”

Gu Ruoyan gave a quiet “Mm” and slowly straightened up. With a trace of shyness and hope, she whispered, “Tang Qian, tonight... don’t go. Stay and keep me company.”

Something stirred in me as I understood her meaning, but I felt only respect and pity for her. How could I do such a thing while taking advantage of her vulnerability?

I said, “Manager...”

Before I could finish, Gu Ruoyan covered my mouth with her hand and said, “I understand. I won’t force you. I only want you to hold me while I sleep. It’s been so long. Aside from that time when I was drunk and you held me to sleep, I have never lain in the arms of the man I love and slept soundly. And that time I was completely unconscious, so it doesn’t count. You don’t know how painful it is for a woman my age to lie alone every night, unable to sleep! I want so badly to rest on your shoulder, to feel your warmth and your heartbeat, so that I can have a happy dream. Tang Qian, don’t refuse me. I truly have no other motive!”

I turned away from her hand and said, “But...”

Once again my mouth was covered. Gu Ruoyan said, “I know. I said I’m willing to give you everything, and you don’t have to take responsibility. I know you’re young and full of vigor, and you may not be able to control yourself. If you really want to, I... I’ll let you do whatever you like. It’s... it’s fine!”

This was truly troublesome. I knew that once I shared a bed with her, whether or not anything happened between us, I would never again be able to think of her as merely a superior who had been kind to me. She would become my woman. But... in my heart, I loved someone else!

Seeing the longing in her eyes, I knew she truly, desperately wanted me to stay with her. Yet I hesitated. I could not lie beside her on the same bed without any care in my heart.

When Gu Ruoyan saw my conflicted expression, disappointment filled her eyes, but she still would not give up. In a soft voice she said, “Just think of it as charity, then. I know you have your own burdens, that you can’t bring yourself to do anything that would wrong your girlfriend. But I truly need you. Just pity me and help me, all right? Or else you can wait until I fall asleep before leaving; you don’t have to stay the night. I promise I won’t try to seduce you. As long as you can hold back, we can keep this purely as friendship. You won’t have to take responsibility for anything, and you won’t need to feel guilty. Please, Tang Qian!”

All I could do was smile bitterly to myself. Was that not seduction? A man and a woman lying on the same bed—how could that possibly remain a purely friendly relationship? At the very least, I was still a normal man!

After a pained, troubled silence, I said, “Manager, how about this? I’ll sit by the bed and keep you company until you fall asleep, and then I’ll leave. What do you think?”

“Just... sitting by the bed?”

“That really is all I can do. If I go any further, I’m not a saint. I’ll make a mistake!”

Gu Ruoyan lowered her head and was silent for a while. Then she looked up and said unwillingly, “All right, then. But I want you to hold me. Otherwise I won’t be able to sleep.”

“I’m just sitting by the bed. How am I supposed to hold you?”

Gu Ruoyan leaped down from my lap at once, dragged me by the hand toward the bed, and smiled. “I don’t care. You have to hold me, anyway. Come on!”

As soon as I sat down, Gu Ruoyan bent over to take off my shoes. I said, “What are you taking off my shoes for? I’m not sleeping here!”

“Your shoes are so dirty. Of course you have to take them off. Otherwise how can we cover ourselves with the blanket?”

“Who... who said anything about covering ourselves with a blanket?”

Ignoring my protests, Gu Ruoyan forcibly removed my leather shoes and put both of my feet up on the bed. Then she climbed in with a smile, pulled the covers over us, and nestled her whole body into my arms.

She adjusted the blanket and covered both of us from head to toe. I may have been sitting on the bed, but how was this any different from lying beside her?

I could only smile bitterly. Women’s methods were sometimes beyond anything a man could guard against. Since I had already promised to take care of her for the rest of her life, I could only accept these overly intimate gestures. But what Gu Ruoyan did next shocked me even more.

She leaned into my embrace, first drawing the blanket up to her chin, then reaching for both of my hands and guiding them around her. Because she was sitting up, what my arms encircled was not her waist, but her chest.

Even worse, she crossed and stacked my palms directly over those two unusually full, swelling mounds. What touched my hands was a softness and abundance beyond imagination, and the unsuspecting me was stunned in an instant.

Good heavens. Great heaven. Hadn’t she just promised she would never take the initiative to seduce me?