Volume One, Chapter Four: Leaving Home Behind

There are many hotels near the train station.

However, after checking a few, we were told that the dormitory-style bunks were full and that we would have to rent a private room if we wanted to stay. A dormitory bed typically cost one yuan, with eight people sharing a room containing four sets of bunk beds. A private room, on the other hand, cost ten yuan.

I had brought exactly one hundred yuan with me when I left home. After paying for the train ticket to Gangcheng and the meals along the way, I had spent about sixty-three yuan, leaving me with thirty-seven. Seeing my cousin-in-law so exhausted that she couldn't stop yawning, my heart ached for her. I figured that even if I spent ten yuan on a room, I would still have twenty-seven left. Once I started working at the factory tomorrow, they would provide both food and housing, so I wouldn't need to spend much anyway.

Feeling reassured by this, I immediately told my cousin and his wife that we should rent a private room. My cousin flared up instantly, pointing a finger at my nose and lecturing me: "Who are you trying to impress? Renting a room with how little money you have? Don't get ahead of yourself!"

How was I trying to impress anyone? How was I getting ahead of myself? My temper flared up instantly! He was the one who had been pushing me to pay for a hotel earlier, and now he was the one accusing me of acting flashy. Would this ever end?

I couldn't be bothered to argue with him. I took off my shoe and pulled out the envelope of money I had hidden in the sole. "I'm going to rent a room. If you don't want to stay, that's your problem. I'll stay with my cousin-in-law..."

I stopped mid-sentence. The words died on my lips. In that moment, I was truly stunned! Although I had no intention of doing anything untoward with my cousin-in-law—I simply felt sorry for her and wanted her to get some proper rest—the phrasing was far too easy to misunderstand.

Fortunately, my cousin and his wife were so focused on my spending money on a room that they didn't notice what I had said. My cousin-in-law, in particular, grabbed me and insisted I shouldn't go rent a room, and quickly told my cousin to stop me.

My cousin gave me a sidelong glance and said, "Xiaogang, let me be clear. If this were your own money, I certainly wouldn't stop you. I wouldn't care if you rented one room or ten. But is this money yours? This is the money your parents saved through the back-breaking labor of farming! They gave it to you so you could go out and earn a living! Look at yourself, acting like a big spender with your parents' hard-earned money. Do you have no shame? Have you no pride left?"

My cousin's words had some merit, but not much. Back home, I did the most work on the farm; everyone in the village knew I was industrious and could endure hardship. However, feeling guilty about the slip of the tongue I’d almost made earlier, I didn't have the heart to argue back and just kept my head down, listening to his prattle. Perhaps seeing that I wasn't talking back, he kept lecturing me for a while longer.

My cousin-in-law managed to persuade him to stop and then comforted me, telling me not to overthink things and to keep looking for a hotel. I nodded and agreed.

We found another hotel that had a smaller dormitory room. It was slightly better than the large ones: a small room with two sets of bunk beds for four people, costing one yuan and twenty cents per bed. The landlady was quite reasonable. She showed us the room and, noting that it was nearly the middle of the night and that we were all fellow folks from the Northeast, offered us a discount. For three yuan, the three of us could have the small room to ourselves, and she wouldn't arrange for anyone else to stay there.

My cousin gave the go-ahead immediately. Just as I was about to take off my shoe to get the money, he had already paid. Once the money was handed over and we had the key, the landlady pointed out the bathroom and toilets before heading back to her business.

My cousin marched straight into the room, ignoring the luggage piled outside. He sat heavily on a bed, kicked off his shoes, and lay down with the air of a master. My cousin-in-law said nothing, silently dragging a large duffel bag into the room. I hurried to carry in the rest of the luggage.

After settling the bags and closing the door, my cousin-in-law thanked me. My cousin sneered, saying that since he had paid for the room, it was only natural for me to help with the luggage, and that no thanks were necessary.

I immediately took off my shoe and retrieved the envelope. My cousin lectured me with a look of disgust: "What is wrong with you? Why do you always hide money in your shoe? Doesn't it stink?"

I ignored him, counted out three yuan, and placed it by the bed, telling him he could take it or leave it. He pointed at my nose again: "Look at your pathetic attitude. You haven't taken a word I said to heart! Still trying to play the big spender!"

"Forget it, forget it," my cousin-in-law said, smoothing things over. She stopped my cousin and told me to get myself ready and find some clothes to shower.

If it weren't for her, I would have really wanted to pick a fight with my cousin. But since she had said that, I didn't want to make things awkward for her, so I put the money on the bed and went to dig through the luggage for my clothes. My cousin-in-law walked over and tried to give the three yuan back to me. I didn't want to take the money back, but she insisted, saying that if I didn't take it, I wouldn't be treating her like a sister-in-law. I had no choice but to accept it.

My cousin watched me coldly from the bed, saying nothing. I didn't speak to him either, continuing to look for my clothes. Gangcheng was much warmer than the Northeast. Having worn my sweater and long johns while lugging luggage around looking for a hotel, I was already sweltering.

Once I found my clothes, I turned around to see my cousin-in-law helping my cousin find his clothes so he could shower and change. "I'm not going. I'm going to sleep. Whoever wants to wash can go wash," he said. "Also, you two sleep on that bed. Don't sleep over my head!"

He gestured toward the bunk beds opposite him and closed his eyes. My cousin-in-law sighed softly, stopped trying to persuade him, and went to shower with her change of clothes. I didn't want to stay in the same room as my cousin, so I grabbed my clothes and headed out.

...

After a hot shower and a change of clean clothes, I felt much more refreshed. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw a woman standing in the hotel corridor. She had her back to me, wearing a pure white dress, her hair like a black waterfall cascading down to her waist.

That silhouette was truly beautiful! My heart skipped a beat as I looked at her. I thought to myself, how wonderful it would be if she were my wife!

Just then, she turned her head to look at me.

My cousin-in-law!

My mind went completely blank! She looked even more beautiful from the front. I was so used to seeing her in sweaters and cotton-padded coats that this was the first time I had ever seen her in a dress. She looked as pure as a schoolgirl, and I was left staring in a daze.

"Xiaogang?"

Hearing her call my name, I quickly lowered my head, not daring to stare at her anymore. If she saw what was in my heart, I would be finished!

"Sister-in-law."

I answered, quickly walked over, and asked why she was standing in the corridor.

"My hair isn't dry yet, so I'm letting it air out before going back in," she said, continuing to wipe her hair with a towel. Watching her, I felt bewildered again.

It wasn't until this moment that it finally hit me: tonight, I would be sleeping in the same room as my cousin-in-law!

I felt a sudden rush of nervousness. I even wondered if I should go back and shower again, or scrub my feet once more? What if she smelled that my feet were smelly? Would she look down on me?

"Xiaogang, what are you thinking about?"

Her gentle voice reached my ears while I was lost in my wayward thoughts. How could I dare tell her what was in my heart? I quickly said it was nothing. She must have thought I was still upset about what my cousin had said earlier, so she comforted me, telling me that Gangcheng was full of opportunities and that as long as I worked hard and stayed grounded, I would eventually make a name for myself.

I nodded in agreement, truly identifying with her words. She continued to encourage me: "Once you start working at the factory tomorrow, do a good job. I'll help you find a good wife."

My blood rushed to my head, and I blurted out, "I want one just like you!"

I regretted it the moment the words left my mouth. Wouldn't she think I was a creep?

Just as I was worrying, she let out a soft laugh and said, "What's so great about me? You'll see once you meet more people; there are plenty of girls much better than me."

I didn't believe her. But I was afraid that the more I spoke, the more I would mess up, so I didn't dare say another word. If I accidentally revealed my true feelings, it would be a disaster!

She didn't say much else, continuing to dry her hair. I stood by, secretly watching her, feeling more and more that she was beautiful. After a while, when her hair was mostly dry, she suddenly asked me a question.

"Xiaogang, is your cousin the type of person who is timid and afraid of trouble?"

I really wanted to say that he was only brave when bullying those close to him. But the words hovered on my lips, and I felt too embarrassed to badmouth him behind his back to her. I felt it wasn't right.

Just then, she changed the subject, telling me it was time to go back to sleep. I agreed and followed her into the room. My cousin was already snoring away.

She asked me in a low voice whether I wanted to sleep on the lower or upper bunk. I immediately said the upper one, so she wouldn't have to climb up and get tired.

"Alright, then go up and get some sleep."

I agreed and climbed up the ladder to the top bunk. As soon as I lay down, I found her standing by the bed. We were very close, our faces nearly touching, separated only by the guardrail of the upper bunk. I could almost feel her breath!

I was stunned, not daring to move a muscle.

She whispered, "Lie down properly, let me tuck you in."

As she spoke, she adjusted the quilt for me, tucking in the corners before returning to her own bed. I lay there, her image filling my mind. Even the loud snoring from my cousin couldn't break the spell. I remained immersed in my own world, thinking of her smile and the fact that she was sleeping just below me.

I don't know how much time passed, but I still didn't have the slightest bit of sleepiness. One moment I was thinking about her on the lower bunk, and the next I was pondering my future work. My feelings about the future were a mix of anticipation, nervousness, and some unrealistic fantasies.

Just as I was thinking, a soft murmur came from the lower bunk: "Don't..."