Chapter Nineteen: Revelation

The two of them strolled leisurely toward the back mountain when an adorable little novice monk came over and stopped in front of them. “Greetings, ladies. Master has asked this humble monk to deliver a message: if you are looking for Benefactor Mu, please go to the abbot’s quarters.”

The little novice wore a yellow monk’s robe, his short legs barely higher than the threshold, round and chubby, with a black-and-white sash like his senior brothers, though it did nothing to reveal a waistline. He pressed his palms together, and on the backs of his hands ten dimples formed, irresistibly inviting a poke.

Lu Yalan looked at the fair, tender child reciting the Buddha’s name with utmost seriousness and couldn’t help but tease him. “Little master, do you know where the abbot’s quarters are?” She furrowed her brow in feigned distress. “I’m not very good with directions. Would it trouble little master to lead the way?”

The novice hesitated. The kitchen master had asked him to fetch some green onions from the garden, and there were still a few steaming buns waiting for him. If he escorted the ladies now, the buns might go cold before he returned.

Seeing the plump, conflicted child, Lu Yalan’s heart softened. She coaxed him, “Here’s the thing, little master. I have actually been to the abbot’s quarters, but I tend to get lost. Only if someone who knows the way lets me give them a kiss can I remember.”

She looked at the chubby little monk expectantly. “Would little master help me?”

The novice, delighted to find a solution, jumped up. “Okay, okay!” Then, remembering his composure, he feigned solemnity, “Ahem. Disciples of Buddha are compassionate. Since the benefactress needs help, this humble monk is naturally obliged to assist.”

Lu Yalan couldn’t stop laughing, and afraid that she might tease him into realizing the trick, she decided to end it there. “Thank you, little master, for your help.” Without hesitation, she cupped the child’s chubby face and planted a big kiss on his cheek.

The child’s face was so white and smooth that for a moment, Lu Yalan felt as if she’d just tasted a spoonful of silken tofu.

Completely unaware that he’d been taken advantage of, the boy asked earnestly, “So, benefactress, do you remember now?” Lu Yalan clutched her chest, her conscience pricked.

She nodded, full of gratitude. “Thanks to little master, I remember now.”

The novice let out a not-so-secret sigh of relief and asked eagerly, “Will you be able to find the abbot’s quarters now?”

Lu Yalan nodded. The boy, pleased, bowed and walked away. After a few steps, thinking no one could see, he broke into a run.

Lu Yalan watched him go, her eyes shining. “How adorable!”

Hong Xing was awash with envy and reproached, “Miss, how could you bully such a cute little master?”

Lu Yalan felt a bit embarrassed too. “It’s just that he was so cute, I couldn’t help myself!”

Hong Xing let the matter go and sighed, “But miss, you’re so much more lively than before.”

Lu Yalan was taken aback. “Am I?”

“Of course. You would never have dared to play tricks on a child in the past.”

Though the words were spoken casually, they struck a chord. Lu Yalan, recalling her recent behavior—acting playfully with Aunt Mu, showing her emotions openly with Master Liyuan, even fooling around with the Buddhist scriptures and Hong Xing—felt her cheeks warm. She hadn’t realized how much more childlike she’d become.

Lu Yalan grumbled, “Hong Xing, really, why didn’t you tell me if you noticed? Now I’ve been laughed at by Aunt Mu and the others.”

Hong Xing looked at her mistress’s glowing cheeks and said earnestly, “But I think you’re wonderful now—happier, healthier, and with more friends than before.”

Lu Yalan paused, then broke into a wide smile. “You’re right. I really am less burdened by sorrow than I used to be. If this is what life in the convent is like, then being a nun doesn’t seem so terrible.” She thought for a moment and added, “But I won’t be so reckless in the future. Not wanting to be bullied is one thing; how I fight back is another. To risk one’s life just to vent anger is a foolish thing.”

As they spoke, they reached Master Liyuan’s quarters. Hong Xing stepped forward and knocked, and soon permission was granted.

Inside, the aroma of tea lingered in the air, steam curling from the cups and filling the room in a gentle haze, softening the outlines of those within. Madam Mu and Master Liyuan sat opposite each other in quiet contemplation, the entire room suffused with a sense of Zen. The door seemed to separate the mundane world from a realm of bliss.

No one greeted her, but Lu Yalan didn’t mind. She quietly took a seat beside Madam Mu. Master Liyuan poured her some hot tea. Lu Yalan smiled, said nothing, and immersed herself in the rare tranquility.

Sunlight cast ever-lengthening shadows across the floor. Lu Yalan didn’t know how much time had passed; she was almost lost in this state of pure serenity when Master Liyuan finally spoke. “Has Benefactress Lu come to bid farewell?”

Though phrased as a question, the tone was certain. Lu Yalan was not surprised. Master Liyuan’s Buddhist insight was renowned; it was no wonder she saw that Lu Yalan would leave the mountain the next day.

“Yes. My family has sent someone for me. I plan to return home tomorrow, and I came especially to thank you and Aunt Mu for your care these past days.”

At the mention of farewell, Lu Yalan felt a pang of sadness. Life on the mountain had been so pleasant: free from petty schemes, from veiled words and hidden meanings. She had found two elders who truly cared for her. All the days of her past seemed less light than these few. The thought of not knowing when she might see them again filled her with greater reluctance to part.

Madam Mu set down her teacup and patted Lu Yalan’s hand. “Good child, don’t worry. We won’t lose touch.”

Seeing Lu Yalan’s puzzled look, Madam Mu winked mysteriously. “You saved me. My family must thank you properly. When my son returns in a few days, I’ll send him to pay his respects.”

Lu Yalan was taken aback. Amidst the chaos of recent days, she had long forgotten Madam Mu’s promise at the mountain gate to have her son come and thank her. Now, hearing it again, it felt like a lifetime ago. “Aunt Mu, there’s really no need. The bracelet you gave me is already a generous gift; you truly needn’t go to such lengths.”

Madam Mu saw that Lu Yalan was still lost in thought and spoke more plainly. “My son is a few years older than you and still unmarried. Not to boast, but ever since he took office—well, let’s just say the matchmakers have all but worn down our threshold. Monastics do not tell lies—ask the master if you don’t believe me.”

Lu Yalan, not having noticed Madam Mu’s tactful phrasing, now realized her intent in mentioning her son so often.

She had no doubt Madam Mu’s son was exceptional. Only someone who took life lightly could raise such a gentle, playful mother. She hadn’t imagined such a twist of fate could come from her stay on the mountain. At first, she was mortified, her fair cheeks flushing a delicate pink, but she quickly regained composure.

Suppressing her embarrassment, she said softly, “Aunt Mu, please don’t say any more. Matters of marriage are not mine to decide. Besides, besides...”

“Besides, you’ve been rejected, your reputation tainted—you fear you’re not worthy of my son.” Madam Mu finished what Lu Yalan dared not say.

“Aunt Mu!” Lu Yalan’s head snapped up, her eyes shining with unshed tears beneath her bangs. Her cheeks, once flushed, had gone pale. Whether from anger or distress, her voice was loud and fast, though only she knew the undercurrent of anxiety and self-doubt.

Madam Mu’s knowledge of her broken engagement no longer surprised Lu Yalan. In Yancheng, the Lu family’s affairs were always in the public eye; it was only a matter of time before word spread. She hadn’t concealed her identity from Madam Mu, and if Madam Mu had intended to propose a match, there had been ample time to inquire.

Yet being cast off by her childhood betrothed was a wound that had yet to heal. To have it so bluntly exposed—even knowing Madam Mu meant no harm—filled Lu Yalan with a mix of shame and anger.

Madam Mu, who could sometimes seem as curious as a child, now radiated the wisdom of an elder. She regarded the girl she admired with gentle eyes. “I’ve lived through many storms. Though it’s not my place to judge, I want you to know: women are born weaker than men, and men always have the upper hand in these matters. But we mustn’t belittle ourselves or take on blame that isn’t ours to bear.”

Lu Yalan glared at Madam Mu until her eyes stung and tears spilled over. Yet she kept staring, as if by doing so she could keep herself from falling apart. Madam Mu gathered her in a gentle embrace and sighed. “Being rejected was never your fault.”

At last, Lu Yalan could hold back no longer. Her tears fell like rain. She buried herself in Madam Mu’s shoulder, breathing in her fresh, soft scent—what she imagined a mother’s embrace would be.

At first, her sobbing was silent, her body trembling like a boat on rough seas, her tears soon soaking through the fabric. Yet she bit her lip to keep from making a sound, which only made her plight more pitiable.

Feeling Madam Mu’s soothing hand on her back, the defenses Lu Yalan had built in her loneliness suddenly collapsed, and her silent sobs turned to soft weeping, then to outright wailing. She didn’t know what she was crying for—only that all her long-held grievances seemed to pour out at once. “Hic... never, hic, never has anyone... hic, said such things to me...”

She hiccuped through her tears, a little ridiculous and pitiful, but no one present laughed.

Hong Xing’s own eyes reddened. She knew her mistress, though never speaking of the broken engagement since awakening, had always kept it locked inside, untouchable. With Madam Mu’s comfort today, she hoped her mistress might finally find some peace. She sent Madam Mu a grateful glance.

Lu Yalan cried and cried, not knowing how long it lasted. When at last she calmed herself and looked up, she saw the lamp had already been lit in the quiet room.

She dared not meet anyone’s gaze. Embarrassed, she said, “Aunt Mu, I’ve dirtied your clothes. Master, I’m so sorry—I didn’t realize how much time I’ve taken up...”

A warm hand came to rest on hers, and Lu Yalan finally stopped her rambling. She looked up and saw only gentleness and kindness in the eyes of Aunt Mu and Master Liyuan. Her taut nerves relaxed at once, and tears threatened to fall again. With rare childishness, she pouted, “Why are you both so good to me?”