Chapter Thirty: Descending the Mountain to Catch Thieves

Master returned after repairing the sky’s flaw and did not take out his anger on me. After assigning daily affairs of the Jade Pure Realm to Fifteenth Senior Brother, he went alone to the Sunset Cave in the back mountain to meditate in seclusion. Though he still appeared as serene as usual, it was clear that his retreat at this time was related to my careless words and the release of Princess Changyang.

With Master in seclusion and Senior Brother Bai Ze absent from the Jade Pure Realm—he regularly returns to his homeland to care for his long-ailing sister Bai Ru—this was a perfect opportunity to slip away, yet I dared not act recklessly anymore. After letting Changyang, the one responsible for Lady Lu Xue’s death, escape, I fear causing further trouble would be unforgivable, even with Spring Breeze as my shield.

Thus, each day I dutifully studied scriptures, recited incantations, practiced medicine, and honed techniques with the most diligent among us, Senior Brother Dongfang Mo. Master favored Dongfang Mo’s dedication, and though I practiced an extra hour each day for a thousand years, I still fell short compared to Dongfang Mo’s progress. I, too, sought to win Master’s approval.

When boredom struck, I listened to Eleventh Senior Brother recount his experiences—his tales were far more captivating than any storyteller’s.

Eleventh Senior Brother returned from business in the Heavenly Palace and told us an infuriating story.

In a remote mortal kingdom called Yao Min, a grave case had arisen. A flower thief broke into homes as if entering an empty realm; wherever there was a beautiful maiden, she would be abducted, dishonored, and slain. Bodies were discarded in desolate fields—some with shredded garments and battered wounds, others naked and in dreadful condition. Nobles and commoners alike suffered; even the king’s princess did not escape.

That princess was originally a minor immortal attendant in the Peach Orchard of the Heavenly Palace. She was punished to descend as Yao Min’s princess for sixty years after accidentally killing a ten-thousand-year-old immortal peach tree. Typically, even the humblest immortal maid sent to the mortal realm would enjoy prosperity and blessings, returning peacefully after sixty years. Yet she encountered the flower thief, suffered humiliation and death, and her soul returned to the Heavenly Palace.

In the mortal world, the king declared to outsiders that the princess died of illness, refusing to claim her body, burying her as if she were a commoner. In the Heavenly Palace, since she was a lowly immortal maid, and the matter was shameful, no one spoke up for her. The little immortal, aggrieved and with no one to confide in, hugged a white rabbit and poured out her sorrows. That white rabbit was Eleventh Senior Brother.

My senior brothers were furious, slamming their fists in outrage, all declaring that as the realm presiding over light and hope, the Jade Pure Realm could not stand idle. Everyone was eager to punish the villain. Dongfang Mo, usually absorbed in cultivation and indifferent to worldly matters, was especially incensed, demanding justice.

Eleventh Senior Brother analyzed the flower thief’s repeated success; he must be incredibly cunning, and ordinary methods would take much effort. Instead, he suggested a trap: find a beauty as bait to lure the villain.

Twentieth Senior Brother Shi Jun, who idolized Spring Breeze, renowned for his unparalleled beauty, volunteered to play the role of the alluring maiden. Rare courage! So we gathered Spring Breeze’s cosmetic supplies kept in the Jade Pure Realm and dressed him up.

Everyone rushed out to vomit.

“Shi Jun! You’d better stick to being a heroic male immortal! You look more like a reverse flower thief!” Eleventh Senior Brother laughed heartily.

Everyone doubled over with laughter.

“I must resemble Spring Breeze,” Shi Jun said shyly, gazing at his vividly painted face in the bronze mirror.

“Spring Breeze is beautiful, yes, but his bearing is that of a male immortal. Besides, he wouldn’t do such a thing,” Twelfth Senior Brother remarked.

“Hehe, actually, I think Master is quite handsome,” Eleventh Senior Brother whispered with Fifteenth Senior Brother.

“Master isn’t here, so stop flattering him. If he hears you say he looks like a woman, you’ll be cleaning toilets for life!” Fifteenth Senior Brother joked.

“Master isn’t so petty! When did I say Master was like a woman? I meant he’s as elegant as a jade tree!” Eleventh Senior Brother hurried to explain. Complimenting Master had become his habit.

“I think among us, only Fei’er Junior Brother has the right air and the most petite figure,” said Senior Brother Kunpeng.

At once, all eyes turned to me.

I was sitting nearby, cheek in hand, watching my brothers bustle about. When I saw their “sinister grins” and realized they were plotting to use me, I hurriedly waved them off. “You all go this time. Master still hasn’t decided how to deal with me for letting Changyang escape. I can’t get into trouble again.”

“This isn’t causing trouble—this is righteous action, punishing evil and promoting good,” Dongfang Mo declared, his sense of justice flaring.

“Even Dongfang Mo can’t keep studying. Go on, maybe Master will be pleased and won’t blame you,” Eleventh Senior Brother coaxed.

“But…” I hesitated.

Truthfully, the injustice infuriated me, and I wanted to do something righteous to atone for my guilt toward Lady Lu Xue. Yet I dared not sneak down the mountain again; if we failed to catch the flower thief, my guilt would only deepen.

“Junior Brother, now that your skills have grown, why has your courage shrunk? Afraid to charge into battle? Or perhaps you fear the flower thief prefers handsome young men?” Eleventh Senior Brother teased as he saw my hesitation.

“Your brothers will protect you. If a few Jade Pure Realm immortals can’t defeat a mortal flower thief, I’ll leave the sect with you,” Dongfang Mo assured me.

“No, no. I’m just afraid Master will discover I’ve sneaked out before we catch the flower thief,” I explained.

I had already attained the rank of High Immortal, cultivated under Master for a thousand years, and my powers had grown immensely. With my brothers by my side, I had little fear of facing a mortal.

“We have Fifteenth at home. He’ll keep watch and track Master, so you won’t be discovered. Right, Junior Brother?” Eleventh Senior Brother clapped Fifteenth Senior Brother on the shoulder.

Fifteenth Senior Brother smiled gently. “Just go early and return early, Eleventh Senior Brother. If Master emerges, I won’t be able to cover for you.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be effortless, swift victory!” my brothers agreed.

Still hesitating, I saw they had already made up their minds and protested, “I…I haven’t agreed yet…”

Without waiting for my consent, my brothers applied makeup to me.

Once finished, everyone rushed out to vomit again.

I gagged upon seeing myself in the mirror. Every color imaginable was smeared across my face. My lips were swollen like sausage, two oversized red cheeks, brows drawn thick and thin, uneven and slanted. My hair was a riot of colors—more dazzling than the most flamboyant matchmaker in the mortal world.

“Too hideous!” I tossed the mirror, protesting.

“Dongfang Mo, you do Junior Brother’s makeup. You used to be a king, had three thousand beauties in your harem—surely you know how to paint a woman’s brows and eyes,” Kunpeng suggested.

Dongfang Mo blushed, “I lost my kingdom at eight. No harem.”

“Out, out! Don’t make trouble. I’ll do it myself!” I shooed them away, thinking their attempts at makeup were worse than nothing.

I changed my hairstyle, transformed my clothes into immortal skirts, and applied a little makeup.

When I opened the door, my brothers were stunned, crowding around to tug at my hair and robe.

“Junior Brother, your makeup skills are amazing!” Fifteenth Senior Brother praised.

“So cute! How do you know how to do this?” Eleventh Senior Brother asked curiously.

“I…Spring Breeze forced me to learn,” I blamed Spring Breeze, who was absent.

“Spring Breeze truly is Heaven’s foremost beauty god. Using his techniques, you’re adorable! This hairstyle must be his teaching as well. If I were the flower thief, I’d definitely target you!” Honest Shi Jun remarked bluntly.

“Bah!” I kicked him. “Senior Brother, you might as well join Spring Breeze’s sect.”

“He finds me too ugly to take,” Shi Jun joked.

“Such skill! We could make small profits by doing makeup for others, buy those chaos artifacts you mentioned in Qilin Town,” Thirteenth Senior Brother, the quartermaster of Jade Pure Realm, mused aloud, his mind always on shopping.

“Why do you all praise the makeup, not my beauty?” I pouted.

Everyone laughed, telling me to be self-aware.

Though worried that my disguise would reveal I was a female immortal, what woman doesn’t wish to be beautiful? Their reactions left me a bit disappointed. After so long posing as a male immortal, now even in female guise, they didn’t believe it.

“Hey? Junior Brother, didn’t you add any feminine traits?” Thirteenth Senior Brother stared at my chest.

I hurriedly covered my chest, blushing. “Enough already!”

With their encouragement, I, along with Eleventh, Twelfth, Kunpeng, Shi Jun, and Dongfang Mo, slipped out of the Jade Pure Realm and descended Kunlun Mountain.

We arrived in Yao Min, the kingdom plagued by the flower thief. In the inn, my brothers surrounded me, making me practice being alluring—no striding like a man, I must walk with delicate charm, sway gracefully, act coquettishly…

They tormented me for half a day until, exhausted, I sat rubbing my legs. “I can manage the grace, but coquettish poses I simply can’t do. I just scratch my head. If you want poses, show me yourselves.”

Eleventh Senior Brother demonstrated, sending everyone into fits of laughter. His soul-stealing expressions were hilarious coming from a clever rabbit immortal.

I laughed so hard I could barely breathe, and his demonstration made it harder for me to learn.

“Oh, too clumsy! Charm! Do you understand feminine allure? It’s the look that attracts people,” Eleventh Senior Brother explained.

“I don’t know,” I shook my head. Truth was, before apprenticing, I’d learned to dance from a peacock immortal in my clan, so I could manage basic poses, but seductive gestures were beyond me.

“It’s like the girls you like,” Eleventh Senior Brother prompted.

“I like Mountain River.”

Though Mountain River was still half-beast, wild and lovestruck, deep down she had a gentle, pure side—adorable in her own way.

Everyone sighed when I said I liked Mountain River.

Eleventh Senior Brother shook his head. “Hopeless! Junior Brother, your taste is ruined! Let’s just get by as best we can.”

My brothers pushed me onto the street to attract attention. Since I couldn’t manage their seductive poses, I simply wandered about, gathering information.

“Miss, you’re not from around here, are you? Why are you alone? Go home quickly. Don’t be out by yourself—there’s a flower thief!” a kindly old woman selling vegetables warned me.

“Grandmother, have girls been taken in this town?”

“Yes! Several just disappeared silently a few days ago! When they’re returned…ah! All young, beautiful, unmarried girls!”

“Has anyone seen the flower thief?” I asked.

“No one has. Why did he target Yao Min? Such misfortune!” The grandmother wept bitterly.

Leaving the market, I walked to a wealthy household. White lanterns hung at the gate, and inside, mourners wailed—a funeral was underway. At the entrance, several ragged beggars loitered, chatting and waiting to cry at the funeral for a few coins.

“Who died?” one beggar asked.

“Miss Wang, of course. Though they claim she died of illness, everyone knows the flower thief took her. Is there any good left? Since she’s dead, better to say she died of illness—at least there’s some dignity,” another replied.

As they discussed, a madman fighting a stray dog for food drew near, muttering mysteriously, “Dark nights, fierce winds—the faceless demon!” He laughed idiotically, shaking his head.

“Get lost!” The beggars chased him off, beating and kicking him. The madman cowered, trembling in a corner, clutching his head, repeating, “Dark nights, fierce winds—the faceless demon.”

Seeing them beat him harshly, I went over to check on the madman. He grinned at me, shouting, “Beauty! The living beauty!”

I asked him what the “faceless demon” was. He pulled the stray dog close, hugging it tightly, terror written on his face. “Snake! No—dragon! No…”

“Snake? Dragon? What is it, really?”

“It’s you! You’re next!” The madman fixed his gaze on me.