Chapter Forty-Eight: Foul Breath When Speaking

Dongfang Mo told the senior brothers about the false Lu Xue switching her allegiance to the Bird Messenger. They were all indignant, insisting that Chunfeng should not be allowed to take her away just yet, and warned the Eleventh Senior Brother not to tip Chunfeng off. They wanted the false Lu Xue to go hungry for a couple of days in Yuqing Realm so that I might vent my anger.

The next day, Chunfeng arrived with a heap of monk fruit, loquat syrup, and throat candies, claiming they would make my voice boom like a great bell. He forced me to eat them as if they were meals, but I still couldn’t speak. He then told me to open my mouth so he could check if my throat had healed; when he couldn’t see clearly, he tried to pry my jaws apart with his hands, scaring me into fleeing. My throat wasn’t healed yet—if he dislocated my jaw on top of it, I’d really be in trouble.

Chunfeng didn’t chase after me; he was entangled by Shanhe. Ever since Shanhe had kissed Chunfeng in the Hundred Beasts Garden, he’d seemed to have lost his soul. Whenever he saw Chunfeng, he’d drop bowls, bump into doors, walls, trees—you could tell just from the noise when they met. One would shout, “Stay away from me! Don’t come any closer!” while the other would drop whatever he was holding and crash through walls and doors to pounce over.

Silently, I kept track for Shanhe: how many bowls, how many doors, how many trees… All of these, Chunfeng would have to compensate for.

That afternoon, Shanhe finished applying my medicine, and we sat in my room drinking tea. Shanhe thought tiny teacups were too stingy and fetched a teapot instead. I drank one cup; she drank a whole pot.

A fragrant breeze swept in...

I waved my hand and conjured an eye mask to cover her eyes.

“Why are you blindfolding me? I can’t see a thing!” Shanhe thundered.

“Wait,” I wrote in her palm.

“Oh! Got it!” Shanhe was clever enough.

Chunfeng strode into the room, trailed by the false Lu Xue, who was tangled up in a series of binding spells. She stumbled in, face smudged with grime, her clothes disheveled and knotted by the restraints, even her hair caught in a hopeless tangle. Her beauty was utterly wasted—she looked, in fact, like a true madwoman.

With a thud, the false Lu Xue knelt before me, weeping and pleading, “Fei’er! Good Fei’er! I’m sorry! I was wrong! I treated you badly! I’ll change from now on!”

“Little Crow, what’s this about? Let her go,” Chunfeng asked me.

Chunfeng was busy with the affairs of Hundred Flowers Island and had no time to visit Master at Luoxia Cave. He was also deliberately kept in the dark by everyone else—he didn’t know about the false Lu Xue’s betrayal.

I tapped Shanhe’s hand and pointed at her mouth, signaling her to read aloud what I wrote.

Shanhe was quick on the uptake. She read, word by word, in a voice booming like a great bell: “I don’t care! You untie her!”

“Don’t, Little Crow. She’s so tangled up that if I break the spell with my power, she’ll be bald. Be good, give your Master some face, don’t make him worry. Good Little Crow,” Chunfeng coaxed me.

“Master is not worried,” I shot the false Lu Xue a glare and wrote with Shanhe’s hand.

“No need, no need—I brought this on myself! Fei’er, please return the Xuanjing Sword to me! Hanqing gave it to me!” the false Lu Xue cried, her emotions so raw it almost convinced me the sword was truly hers.

Chunfeng grabbed my wrist, saw the Xuanjing Sword bracelet on it, and said anxiously, “Little Ancestor! Are you trying to anger your Master to death? Give it back to Lu Xue. Your uncle will give you ten more, alright?” Chunfeng pleaded as he tugged my arm.

How could there be such brazen people in this world? It wasn’t even hers, yet she begged as if it was her right! I was so angry I didn’t know what to say, nor could I speak. I wrote on Shanhe’s hand: “It’s fake!”

“It’s real! It’s real! Your uncle is so rich, why would he give you a fake? He’ll give you ten gold ones, each weighing two catties! Is that good enough?” Chunfeng coaxed.

This time, before I could write, Shanhe bellowed, “The bracelet is real! She is fake! Very bad! Go ask her Master!” Her shout shook the room.

Chunfeng staggered back several steps, flipped open his fan to cover his mouth and nose, and turned his face away in disdain. “Shanhe, did you brush your teeth today?”

“I did!” Shanhe grumbled.

“Why are you so pungent?” Chunfeng muttered.

“It’s her medicine!” Shanhe pointed at me.

I froze and sniffed myself—there was only the thick scent of medicine, nothing else. I wondered, is this what he meant by pungent?

“Oh…” Chunfeng leaned in and sniffed me suspiciously.

“Did you just say she’s fake? Your Master said so?” Chunfeng asked.

I stared at Chunfeng and nodded.

“I am Lu Xue! I really am Lu Xue!” the false Lu Xue cried desperately.

I pointed at the Xuanjing bracelet. “Summon it,” Shanhe said.

“Alright!” Lu Xue, still tangled up by the binding spells, couldn’t even form the hand signs, let alone sit still.

I released her from the bindings. She sat upright, performed the hand signs, and called the Xuanjing Sword. Once, no response; twice, still nothing. She tried with all her might, and the Xuanjing bracelet finally stirred, flickering with light. Her eyes lit up, and she shouted, “Chunfeng, look!”

“Little Crow! Truthfully, I don’t want to believe this fool is really Lu Xue. I’m not taking her side, but her appearance, her past, and her devotion to your Master all match. Even the Xuanjing bracelet recognizes her,” Chunfeng said helplessly.

“She’s fake! Her heart is bad! She—” Shanhe was about to mention the false Lu Xue’s betrayal when I stopped her. With Master absent, if Chunfeng heard, his temper might flare and he could kill the false Lu Xue with a single blow—neither Shanhe nor I could stop him. How then could Master investigate the origins of this imposter, why she so closely resembled Lu Xue, and how she knew so much of the past?

“Say less! Your mouth stinks!” Chunfeng pinched his nose and scolded.

I held out my hand, and the Xuanjing bracelet slipped back onto my wrist. With a flick, it transformed into a sword; another flick, and the Xuanjing Sword became a ribbon of cloud crystal. With a lift of my hand, the ribbon danced and then settled back on my wrist as a bracelet.

“Let’s see you try!” Shanhe shouted. She was getting sharper by the day.

“Shanhe, shut up! Little Crow, why don’t you just write on my hand?” Chunfeng offered, beaming.

The false Lu Xue seized his hand, “Chunfeng! You must help me! I’ve been weakened by forty thousand years of slumber—my powers are diminished.”

Chunfeng shook her off in disgust. “Don’t touch me! Why are you clinging to me like a plaster?”

“Little Crow, did your Master give this to you?” Chunfeng asked.

I nodded.

Chunfeng sighed.

I conjured pen and paper and wrote, “Master asks you to take her to Hundred Flowers Island and keep her locked up.”

“I won’t go! I won’t!” Lu Xue screamed, making my eardrums ache.

“Annoying! Even noisier than Shanhe!” Chunfeng cast a spell and flung the false Lu Xue out. He turned to me irritably, “Why should I have to take her just because he doesn’t want her?”

“You invited this god; you send her off yourself,” I wrote.

Chunfeng nodded. “Alright, alright! No wonder you’re your Master’s disciple—heartless, the both of you! If I hadn’t used my magic to heal you, would your Master have been able to save you? If I hadn’t protected him, would he have come back alive? My dear nephew is heartless, my dear brother is heartless—my heart aches!” Chunfeng clutched his chest in mock agony.

Truthfully, I thought Chunfeng had it rough. The whole business with the false Lu Xue wasn’t his doing—he only ever thought of his brother. Bearing the heavy responsibilities of Hundred Flowers Island while also looking after Yuqing Realm, running back and forth every day, he must be exhausted.

Thinking thus, my resentment faded, and I tugged his sleeve, signaling him not to take it so hard. Chunfeng grabbed my hand, gazing at me. “Little Crow, you think I’ve got it tough too, don’t you?”

I nodded.

“Then give me a kiss!” Chunfeng’s face brimmed with hope.

I nearly fell from my chair in fright. Here we go again! How does he keep bringing this up? Always competing with Master for this…

I waved my hand—no way.

Chunfeng put on a pained expression. “I’m so unbalanced—I’ve given you half an island’s worth of spiritual fruit and herbs, spent so much power to save you, even more to save your Master. I’m exhausted, my life is joyless, and you haven’t even thanked me. Shouldn’t you kiss me in gratitude? A courtesy for a courtesy.” Chunfeng leaned in, eyes closed, waiting.

I truly wanted to thank him, but I couldn’t speak. I even wanted to bow deeply to him. Yet every time I saw him, he was joking and teasing—never a chance for a moment of solemn gratitude.

I sighed, at a loss. Though he was my uncle, when he pouted, he was like a child. What should I do? I’d accidentally kissed Master once, and the rumors outside had run wild. If I kissed Chunfeng too… what kind of stories would spread?

“Little Crow!” Chunfeng urged with eyes shut.

Suddenly, Shanhe pulled off her eye mask, gave Chunfeng a kiss, then covered her eyes again.

I was utterly stunned! Shanhe was becoming a spirit—no, an immortal!

Chunfeng opened his eyes, full of delight, and leaped up. “I knew Little Crow had a conscience! I’m off to Hundred Flowers Island! I’ll make some pills for your voice, too! Shanhe, don’t follow me!”

He dragged the false Lu Xue away in a rush, nearly bumping into the Eleventh Senior Brother at the door.

“I won’t go! You can’t make me! This is my home! Hanqing!” the false Lu Xue’s wails echoed outside, her tantrum a waste of her beautiful voice.

I wondered, “Will I ever be able to explain things clearly to Chunfeng?”

“Little junior brother, I have something to tell you!” the Eleventh Senior Brother crept over to my desk, whispering mysteriously.

“What is it?” I wrote.

“Master isn’t at Luoxia Cave…” he whispered.

I looked at him in surprise. “Isn’t Master supposed to be in seclusion, recovering? He told me so himself.”

“There’s trouble in Bintu Prefecture—Master must have rushed there again. I’ve checked several times, and there’s only Brother Baize in the cave,” he said.

So Master was busy even while recovering. I felt a pang of guilt.

Eleventh Senior Brother glanced nervously toward the door, then continued in a hushed tone, “The key thing is, with Master gone, a villain has appeared in Yuqing Realm! A real pervert!”

Such excitement every day—just after repelling Mingzhong and sending off the false Lu Xue, now a pervert? I was puzzled.

“And this pervert has set their sights on me!” Eleventh Senior Brother whispered.

I looked at him in confusion. What about Eleventh Senior Brother could possibly attract a pervert? His flattery? His endless chatter?

“Do you think it’s someone from the Underworld? I don’t want to die as horribly as you did. Master can’t use the Soul Capturing Technique anymore,” he said nervously.

“You’re overthinking it—it can’t be that bad…” I thought.

He leaned in and whispered, “You’re confused, right? So am I. I washed out my chamber pot and set it outside to dry, and now it’s gone… Who but a pervert would take it?”

As he spoke, he stared straight at Shanhe, who was gulping down water from a pot, dumbfounded.

“You! You! Shanhe, do you… Little junior brother! Aren’t you going to do something?” Eleventh Senior Brother covered his blushing face and ran out.

I stared at the vessel in Shanhe’s hands—so that was a chamber pot… I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

Suddenly, my laughter froze, then I doubled over in hysterics. Shanhe had just kissed Chunfeng! Chunfeng had been avoiding her all along and hadn’t noticed what she’d been holding. If he ever found out, would he go mad? Roast me and chop up Shanhe? Without a doubt!

Then it occurred to me—when this girl finally became human, would she die of embarrassment remembering this? I felt guilty, as though I hadn’t taught her well enough.

So I wrote on Shanhe’s hand, “Throw away the pot, I’ll give you a jar instead!” Shanhe agreed and immediately dashed off, smashing half the door on her way out.

I hurriedly leaped from my chair and chased after her. She had just kissed Chunfeng and was still dazed—I’d forgotten to remove her eye mask!

Chunfeng! Shanhe’s debt is now on your account, and this time Eleventh Senior Brother too! When Master returns, I’ll settle scores with you all!