Chapter 135: Matching Pairs

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Chapter 135: A Match Made in Heaven

Little Sister Su had heard a little about Yueyi, the number-one beauty of the Buddhist Three Realms and their countless heavens.

When it came to women’s flaws, it made no difference whether one was mortal or immortal. As long as she was a woman, she could never escape the flaws—or perhaps one should call them traits or instincts—that women shared.

One particularly exasperating female instinct was that you must never say someone was the most beautiful woman in the world. Just as there could be no first place in literature but a definite second place in martial arts, the moment you declared someone number one, the vinegar jar would be smashed to pieces.

Once a woman was called the number-one beauty, it did not matter how far away you were from her or whether you were even in competition with her. Those things were secondary.

The important thing was that you could not be number one. If you were number one, where did that leave me?

Did anyone really believe there were women who never felt jealous?

Of course there were—but only women who thought themselves so ugly they could not bear to be seen in public. What use would jealousy be to them? All they had was admiration and lamentation. Such women even felt they had no right to envy or resent anyone.

The real trouble came from those who possessed a little beauty and believed they could still dazzle people, at least enough to muddle their senses. Once such women became jealous—and especially when they became very jealous—the result could be disastrous.

A real-life example was the poor Andromeda. Her mother, Cassiopeia, had angered the sea god’s wife by boasting of her own beauty, and so began the tale of Andromeda’s suffering.

Though Little Sister Su was kindhearted and mild by nature, one thing must never be forgotten: Su was still a woman, and one who considered herself a beauty of some standing even among the heavens of the Northern Pole.

She was nowhere near as vicious as Poseidon’s wife, but surely she was still allowed to show a little jealousy?

And so Su said sourly, “What’s so special about this Yueyi? She’s only an asura. Is she really that beautiful?”

Doggy seemed to speak without restraint, but every word struck straight at Su’s heart.

“Of course she is! Where we come from, it’s hard enough to find anyone prettier than Sister Yueyi. In my opinion, only you, Sister Su, can match her. Everyone else is far behind—even that old, shameless fox Cassiopeia, hehe…”

The moment Su heard this, her intelligence seemed to drop several points, while her heart soared with delight.

So I really can match the number-one beauty of the Buddhist heavens!

Her heart fluttering sweetly, she found everything Doggy did pleasing to the eye.

Tuozhe stared at Doggy in bewilderment. Something seemed off about the dog today.

Usually, whenever a beauty appeared beside him, Doggy guarded him like a thief. How had it suddenly become so generous?

No, something was definitely wrong with Doggy today.

But Tuozhe could not ask about it in front of Little Sister Su, so he set the matter aside for the moment.

Then Little Sister Su suddenly discovered that she and Doggy had plenty to talk about, and the two of them began chattering away without end.

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Doggy put on an adorable act. “Sister Su, you’re so pretty, so how come you’re still single? Look at Sister Yueyi—she already has a husband. My Rascal Brother had no choice but to acknowledge her as his sister. What a pity! Now he can’t pursue her. If he did, he’d become a…”

Whenever Doggy met a beautiful woman, it always took the opportunity to say something like that, as though trying to remind everyone of some important fact. Su had no idea how she was supposed to respond.

Doggy paid no attention to her discomfort and continued, “Actually, Sister, you’d be the perfect wife for my Rascal Brother. Shall I play matchmaker for you?”

Tuozhe was drenched in sweat.

“A matchmaker? More like a panderer! Can you really say something like that after meeting her only once? Besides, did you even ask your Rascal Brother? You’re ignoring his feelings! You’re deciding his lifelong marriage for him! Are you his little sister or his mother?”

Little Sister Su coughed twice. “Well, Doggy, your Rascal Brother already has the Three Demonesses, doesn’t he? They’re all quite beautiful too.”

Doggy curled its lip and raised its little face in disdain.

“How could they compare? How could they compare? I may not hold it against those three little hussies anymore, but they absolutely cannot become my Rascal Brother’s wives. Do you know why?”

Su shook her head in confusion.

Doggy leaned close to her ear and whispered, “I’ll tell you. The three of them aren’t pure anymore. Sister Su, tell me—could the wife of our family be impure? Of course not, right?”

Little Sister Su’s face turned crimson with embarrassment, and black lines seemed to appear one after another above her head.

Doggy was certainly adorable when it acted cute, but the things it said were simply too blunt.

What did it mean, “not pure”?

When you told an innocent young woman that someone else was impure, how could she help imagining exactly how those three had become impure?

Wasn’t that mortifying?

Doggy still had not finished when Tuozhe hurriedly reached over to cover its mouth. Doggy slapped his hand away without the slightest politeness.

Doggy huffed angrily. “Rascal Brother, listen to me. I don’t care about anything else, but when it comes to our family, what I say goes. If I don’t approve of your wife, she won’t even get through the door.”

Tuozhe rubbed his nose and fell silent, not daring to look toward Little Sister Su.

What kind of absurd situation was this?

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People always said that women would forget everything else when gossip was involved.

Under ordinary circumstances—or if anyone else had said such things to Little Sister Su—they would have been thrown out long ago.

But this involved the number-one beauty, as well as talk of sworn elder sisters and younger brothers. To stop listening would have been to invite a sleepless night.

Doggy floated mysteriously in front of Su’s face, propping its little cheeks in its tiny paws. It tilted its head first one way, then the other, studying her.

“Sister, you’re different, aren’t you? Just look at you—you’re very pure, very pure, right? Oh, sorry, I forgot to ask. Sister, you’re still pure, aren’t you?”

Little Sister Su raised her hand as if to strike. “What are you saying? Who isn’t pure?”

Doggy giggled without trying to dodge. “If you can bear to, go ahead and hit me. But don’t hit my face, okay? If you must hit me, hit my bottom—but be gentle…”

Little Sister Su both adored and loathed the dog. She pointed at Doggy’s forehead and said, “You really are…”

Then, pretending not to understand, she asked, “How did your Rascal Brother become Consort Yueyi’s younger brother?”

Doggy again leaned close to Su’s ear and whispered, “Sister, there’s something you don’t know. Sister Yueyi actually likes my Rascal Brother. But she already has a husband, so she had no choice but to acknowledge him as her younger brother.”

Su could not help glancing at Tuozhe twice.

Aside from his decent looks, she saw nothing particularly remarkable about him. How had he managed to win the favor of the number-one beauty of the Buddhist heavens?

Tuozhe did not dare get involved in their conversation anymore. Spotting a book on a jade chair, he picked it up and began to read.

Doggy’s appetite for gossip had reached new heights that day. It vividly recounted everything it knew about Tuozhe and Yueyi, as well as their various exploits at Mount Sumeru and in the City of Morapati, adding embellishments wherever it pleased.

Little Sister Su’s eyes shone brighter and brighter, and the flames of curiosity roared within her.

Good heavens! This little heavenly prince was far more impressive than she had imagined. He had killed the Great Dragon-Elephant King Tiantou Laizha and so many sages all by himself, and had even wiped out dozens of assassins from the Shadow-Ensnaring Wall.

Without realizing it, the little prodigy began to look at Tuozhe in an entirely new light.

When the story was nearly finished, Doggy cried out, “Sister Su, my mouth is parched from all this talking! Aren’t you going to bring me something to drink?”

Su hurriedly poured a cup of Jade Dew of the High Firmament for Doggy herself.

Doggy gulped it down, then turned its attention back to Su.

With an air of mystery, Doggy pressed its little head against Su’s face and said, “Sister Su, look at you. You have the looks, the purity, and the learning. Just look at the enormous library you’ve built—it almost makes you as learned as my Rascal Brother! So I think you two would make a perfect pair. You’re absolutely made for each other!”

Little Sister Su’s face grew hot. Selectively taking in Doggy’s words, she ignored the suggestion that they would make a perfect pair and asked directly, “Is your Rascal Brother really that learned?”

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